Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
