I got chris browned last night
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Too much gin, very little bucket
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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