so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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