Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
