They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
