You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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