i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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