I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
