I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
