There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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