I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
