Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
