His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
