Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
