is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
