it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
