Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
