i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize