Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
