He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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