omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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