So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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