dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
