come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
