I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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