She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
