glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
