just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I touched a dick in church today
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
