You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
