fuck your aforementioned shoe
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
