I hate your face
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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