oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
