When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
