Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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