WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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