I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
