I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
