I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
