bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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