If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
