No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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