google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
