Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
