I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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