there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
