Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
no. you can't hotbox the world.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
