sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
