I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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