remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
