The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
