Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
