New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Acid is not a monday night drug
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
