i just wanna soil my oats bro
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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