apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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