remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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