There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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