Are we in a gay sports bar?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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