dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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