...so i touched it.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
