im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
