You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
