Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
