How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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