ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
