Your mouth is God's brothel.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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