I wish I could teleport
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
