fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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