WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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