so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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