I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
