pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You had me at "let me see your balls"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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