So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
