the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
