Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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