Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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