I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize