would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
