I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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