just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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