we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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