I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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