it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
