Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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