Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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