but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
