Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
