come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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