Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
