he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
