what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
