My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
