Pappa wants mamma naked
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
