a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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