got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
