Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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