"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
