the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
