listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
