i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
